You have an odd way of looking at things, but since talking to you last night I haven't stopped laughing. Thank you. Maybe I am perfect to someone out there.
There are so many things I would like to say to you and there are so many events I would like to forget because they contain you- too much of you. Each night I lay awake in bed and I feel as though I cannot breathe, cannot think, or even continue to be. I miss you, when we do I get to tell you that feel as though I could become drunk on your words from hearing too many unable to sooth the beast that I have become. And I only wish I were strong enough to handle this monstrosity I somehow brought upon myself. Too many things cloud my mind and sometimes, sometimes in the darkest moment of the midnight hour I wonder if I truly am hung up –inebriated even on your words, rather than you r lack of love for you or for me. It kills me knowing that I could have possibly given up all innocence and trust I ever earned from you, because there are too many things I have done, thought, and shown that would never fly in the minds of a true soul.
Perhaps it would make sense to you if I simply said I love you and let it go. For the sake of my sanity, I cannot do as you wish. It is different to say the words than it is to mean them, just as it is worlds different when you can feel them truly believe them instead of merely hearing the few painful syllables as it is. One too many things could happen should a soul be so lost as I am here. Far too many people would be spared from the numerous heartaches each moment if only someone else thought like me. And in a way I think it would be simple, even nice to know what it feels like to give someone your all and to have them return it with their own soul. That is the unbreakable bond that is truly love.
Yes, I am aware, fully aware that you have loved the wrong person, you have been hurt and somebody broke you apart. At least they didn’t have the strength to shatter you , to completely destroy what little hope you might have left. And love, I know what that feels like, I gave my soul so easily to you and you forget it is even there. To pretend to understand you would be foolish of me, a game to play perhaps; I am absolutely not so vial as to go that route. However I need you to know that I am trying to relate and I do know the pain of loving and being loved by someone who does not matter to you in the slightest. So do tell me now, do you love me, do you hate me? Am I even worth an inkling of your precious time?
Before I let you go, as I am about to, I have only one last thing to say. If I were to take my own life at the point of a silver blade, if I were to love and let that love stab me in the back until my entire world faded black, would you even know that I was gone? Would the lack of a bond grow strong and the frail thin edge of your heart I have earned ache with my absence? Now, I shall let you leave me and I shall let you steal what little breath I have left as I bid you farewell from knowing that I failed to have any importance to you.
Just something that happened. I don't know why I wrote it.
Have I ever wanted you outside of my dreams? Of course! Have you ever wanted me in your dreams? Never.
They always say that people misuse the phrase "i love you" but i dont know what else there is to say to you. You have stolen my heart in the very best way and I am so much better of a person when i am with you. And when I am with you I am speachless but in a marvelous way. And i really just want you to know each time.that i smile it has something to.do with you.
