The Train Was Late

I didn't make it home in time to see you before you left, but I tried. Now I guess all I can do is to try again for the day you come back. You will be coming home, right?

The Challenge Day 2

Nine Things About Myself:

1: I was born in Germany
2: I am insane
3: I am in love
4: I love climbing trees
5: I love artsy stuffs
6: I hang around a group of guys I call "The Giants"
7: I started sharpie wars at my school
8: I write lists of lists but never follow them
9: I have "friends" all around the globe... and even an ex or two :P

The Challenge, day 1

Ten things I would say to 10 different people:
Marshall: I am so freaking sorry. I'm sorry.
V. : I miss you so much
Killian: Yes I know you and yes I care
C.T.G.W. : Don't hurt yourself, stick around. Things will get better.
Mom: Come home sooner. I can't stand it here.
J.J: Things will work out. Just find good things in her... if you can
Megan J.: Craziness rocks
Jacob: She is really lucky. I'm glad you are so happy.
Rick: You didn't fight for her, no wonder you lost her twice. Where is superman now?
Mason: Thank you

The People That are Time

Monday is still asleep, Tuesday tries to wake him gently, when she can. Wednesday doesn't know what to think, he's very emotional. Thursday councils him to no avail. Friday is quite a handful, but a cute one, for she is the baby. Saturday tries to be a "good boy" yet he doesn't even know what that is. Sunday, well, she is a stay at home mom, that lost her husband to a war way back when. She prays day and night that her children will have good lives, but she does not believe it is possible. 

January is the oldest of the months, though he doesn't really care. February is a hoplessly lost romantic. March is lucky, but far too realistic for her taste. April dances across the lawn in the rain and smiles all the time, even when she is not happy in the slightest. May is haughty and he doesn't get it. June sings songs outside of July's window, he is trying to win her heart. August, the loner, does well in school and carries a million issues. September secretly loves him, but is too shy to say. October the prankster pranks us all but never gets into trouble. Novemeber is thankful for the tears and laughs alike but not for himself. As for myself, I am December, they say I am low-key with a heart of gold, but I think not.

In a way we are a family and we mean the world to each other. Though we do not share the blood, we fight, we cry, we bleed, we tear each other apart when the  moment feels right. One day people will  know just who we are, but for now, I guess this is as good as it gets. 

The Semi-Positive

Maybe things weren't okay yesterday or the day before, but maybe things will turn around today. If they do turn around will you be mine?

The Appology

No. N0. No. You can't do this to me. No. No. Come back to me. No. Don't go, please, please don't go. No. No. I ruined your life, but I'm building it back up. No. No. No. Please wake up. No. Please come back. No. No. Just let me try, just one chance... 

I'm Alone

Walking down the halls,
I realize
I am alone.
No one wants me
And if they do,
They don't need me.
If I left,
I doubt annyone would care,
They might be sad for a week at most,
But they'd get over it.
Nobody cares.
So many people think they do,
Or say they do,
But I know it's all bullshit.
How can they care about me
If they do not know me?
They think they do,
But nobody does.
They see my cover.
My diguise I use in order not to get hurt.
Not one single person has seen the real me.
Not completly, anyway.
I'm not sure Even I can remember the real me,
It's been so long.
If anyone cared enough,
They would see more,
But no,
They are all making me so damn alone
Even when I am surrounded by my 'friends'


All you people who think you know me,
Do you really?

The words

One

Now two

here's three words

four are for you

five almost speak my mind

six: I love and miss you

this one cries all day and night

Where have you gone ponder these sad eight

he loves me, he loves me not, but why?

ten words are here just to break the everlasting silence

The I Love Yous

I really do love you more than you will ever know. Please don't go.

For C.T.G.W. and  "Murphy" in their own respect of "LOVE" 

The Only Reason

The only reason I am here is for you. If you aren't here can I finally let myself parish? 

The Laughter

I don't want to fight you. I just want you to be here... with me. I want to see you smile again and I want to hear you laugh, like we used to, not that fake thing you do now.

The Meaning

You are the only one that gives meaning to my life

The I Knows

I know I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
I know I'm not supposed to want you, but I do.
I know I'm not supposed to need you, but you are the only reason I am still alive.
I know, I know, you have her, I know you messed up, I know she needs you more;
But you need to know that I love you more than she ever has or will.
You need to know that we belong together.
And you need to hear me say this: I   LOVE YOU

The Random Thought of today

Have you ever stopped to watch the bee land on the beautiful flower? Have you ever stood outside on a windy day, and sat in complete silence only to hear the wind whispering all of its secrets to anyone listening. If you have those secrets are the keys to the world. They are the meaning of the universe. Those secrets are able to end world hunger, poverty, and all war. Those secrets can Make a blind man see, they can make a deaf child hear, they could bring someone back to life. As they did with Jesus in the olden days. The wind is your best friend, if you want to help the world.
    Have you ever seen a hummingbird flapping furiously as it eats? It is putting forth no effort at all, but listen to the sound of the wings. Listen to it gulping the nectar. Do you know why they like the color red? They like it because it symbolizes the freedom and passion of life.
    If you have ever danced in the rain, did you hear the rain drops telling you their story of meeting the creator of us? Did you hear the part about Him giving them a message for you? Do you remember the message? Because I do, and I will never forget it.
     Have you ever witnessed death? I have, can you see the wind as it passing by you everyday? Can't you hear the voices of the world, even when all is not silent? I can. I am a part of this world, and so are you.

The Surprise

When you least expect it the people of your past will surprise you. 

The Only Thing Left

I lied and I cried
I tried and I tried.
I had things to say
and you just walked away.
It's been a while
since I've seen you smile.
Really I need you,
do you need me too?
I'm all alone,
like the love you have shown.
It started to rain
when I felt your pain.
My days are pitch black,
but it's only you I lack.

The Cross

 

Today when I wasn't really paying attention, you took a marker and drew a cross on my forehead. I asked you why once I realized why everyone was laughing and pointing. You said it was a "plus" so I would be positive again. A little bit later, your friend told me it was a cross, because you didn't want me to end up in Hell for all the stupid shit I did, then he told me he agreed. I just wanna know why the two of you even care, so please do tell...

The New Question

If nothing is falling down, how can you expect yourself to be growing?

The Confusion

I don't know what to think, because now when I'm around you I don't know what to say or do. But I'll keep dreaming of you and maybe someday soon we'll get a new start.

The Choice

Whether it hurts or not one can always bare what is right.

The It's So Cools

Why does everything revolve around sex when you are a teen? Can't anything else go through your adolescent head? I mean really is the world really coming to such a point that we'll all be so damn fucked up? There's a 12 year old pregnant and kids carrying condoms in their backpacks. Stay away from me if you think it is so cool. Cause I don't. I never will.

What I've Learned

Emptiness.
That's all I have felt the last three years,
Along with pain, depression, and loneliness.
But it made time to think.....
About lots of things.
I've learned that if you're going through hell,
Just keep going.
You'll be done soon.
That life is no toy,
It's something you have to be careful with,
For you don't get a second chance.
That it's better to be hated for who you are,
Than to be loved for who you're not.
That we shouldn't complain about so much in the world,
If it wasn't there,
We'd have no love to live on.
That life isn't about waiting for a storm to pass,
It's about dancing in the rain.
But most of all,
That you have to live as if no one's watching,
Love as if you have never been broken,
Cry as if the tears aren't noticable,
And forgive as you forget.

The I Lost You

There you are smiling and having fun, but I need you to know something: Yesterday, I made a mistake. I told you I was done, I threw a fit, and I walked away. You didn't try to stop me, and you didn't see the tears streaming down my face. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I said goodbye, and now I'm wondering, if you would ever take me back. I'll stop writing on you and your friends, I'll get rid of the knife, I'll be a normal girl again, and I'll smile everyday. I'll do anything just to end the songs saying I lost you...

The I'm Not Sure

There are so many things I want to tell you, and so many things I want us to do. I miss you, I think. I love you, I think. I need you, I think. But when I think about it, I'm not sure if you miss me, if you love me, or if you need me. So I guess I'll move on with life and hope that everything is okay in yours.

The Exchange

Its funny, you lose someone and then life brings you one new person almost the same, or brings back an old friend.. Oh how I've missed you.