to preface this please view: http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2008/11/solitary-figure.html and http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2008/09/bonus-round.html
look, I know you are gone for now, maybe for good, but imma rant here anyway. Maybe someday I'll make it a poem or a story, but for now it'll be written waiting for your eyes and your eyes only; should they ever find this. My heart belongs to you, my soul is in your hands, and my mind is rarely anything close to rational when you are around. Granted, I'm rarely rational at all, ever anyway. But I am going to pour myself out to you anyway, I am going to just tell you all I can, because it's all I know and all I will ever know. And there are so many things I would not normally say, though I believe I have the oppertunity to say them here, without judgement or harrassment out of fear for your reactions, emotions, thoughts, or even opinons in terms of what I am dying to make known to you and someday to the world as well; not that you want that to happen for quite some time, not that that will happen until I have published a book and found my way to you.
Length of my thoughts never seems to push you away so I hope that is still the case here.
Yes, I love you. Yes, I dream of you in ways I shouldn't; with more detail than I have let on to. Yes, sometimes I am a typical teen chick and I do things around you for shock factor and reactions showing some sort of love or compassion. Love, that is not at all what you want to hear but it is all I know that is true and when I get on my rants like this, you are gonna get truth, pain,and probably a bit more love in your heart for me; that i if you have any there at all to begin with. And there is a lot I am hoping this will help m get off my chest. (Yes som of it,you are already fully aware of)
Lets start with things you know:
- I love you more than I thought was possible or right
- I wish that you were happy, more than I wish for anything else
- I am pretty sure that I will get better, so any sense of urgancy is more than useless
- I wish that you didn't always worry so much about me
- I hope that only good things find their way to you from now until the end of time
- I miss you
- oh yeah and I LOVE YOU!
Now on to something I know will make you smile:
Dream house ideas:
- tree house like i've already shown you
- somewhere with some sort of scenery
- a glass wall on an outer space (does that make sense?)
- Nightmare before christmas room for us to watch all the movies we love
- An observatory for star gazing (sorr,love stars though you are the brightest one I'll ever see)
- a library with artsy ceilings, poetry covered bookshelves and floors, a million books- including the ones we write.
- a fire pit outside somewhere
- a room for an area to just be, write, read, breathe, anything
Enough listing, back to ranting sorry.
If I ever met you, face to face, I would want it to be something simple; so I could just know that you actually are the person I am in love with.I wouldn't be specific because I really only want an experience where I get to meet you and just be with you.
Of all the things I day dream, all the things I have ever really hoped for, none of them have ever been so vivid until I met you. (You don't understand this, because you have only ever heard my simple almost innocent ones; in hopes you wouldn't judge or hate me) Of all the things I even dared to allow to cross my mind, none of those things have ever brought me any sort of joy or sense of wellness or even simply hope until you began inspiring those thoughts, and please please dont take that the wrong way... I've never wanted to be around anyone nearly as much as I wish I could be around anyone else (I am a massively depessed recluse, I suppose)
I've never wished I could hug someone nearly as much as I wish I could just hug you once before Time takes me away. Maybe that is proof that I love you...
Anyway, I guess I'm done taking up your time.
P.S i hope you are O.K
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