I'm Sorry My Love

Call me Maddycakes, call me angel, call me love, call me Sweetheart or sweetiepie, call me Maddy-o-so, call me Mads, call me Bad maddy rose or Mad Maddy rose, call me Yoda, call me anything you want... My favorite it when I am your pie of sweetieness, but from now on I wont get mad at you for it. I'm sorry I screamed, fought, and yelled, I really am, and I hope you know that I still love you more than all the red m&ms to ever exist plus all the stars in the sky plus all the hearts to ever beat even a single beat.

Rambling as I must

I'm not the same without you, this we know. I'm not myself with you, this they all can see. I'm the sane one while you put on a show, then we switch so all the ridicule turns on me. Because I can take the pain, unlike you. I can take the dirt, cause I can not be hurt. Yet when they kill you, they are killing me too. I cant stand to see your picture in the back of my mind, not now, oh no, not now that you are gone. I guess it doesnt help that I never actually called you mine and that I'm lost with you gone...

Maybe I shouldn't say this, since you've got her now, but maybe that's why you need to hear it. I love you 100% even after all your stupid shit. But you know what? I still dont get why I ever cared, I mean you did nothing but make sure your pain was equally shared.




To my beloved... I just dont have any real pictures of him

Killing me too

You think you are only hurting yourself, so you'll end up in a fucking grave, but every night when things get worse, you kill me too. I just wanted you to know that someone does care about you and you arent alone in your pain... Oh and I think I might love you...

Ayla's Thoughts

What is love? When will I witness it? Not just see it in others, but with  myself and someone too? I do not know the answer tho the last two questions, but to the first one, I have an answer. Love is a relentless, yet fluid. It is everywhere, yet nowhere at the same time. It is enveloping me in darkness, yet oh so blissful. Love is intangible and can only be felt. What is love you ask? Love is killing me, yet it brings me life and happiness.

The Man

Today I met a man, who doesn't like make believe. I met a man who took me for a ride in his old white truck. He told me to relax and everything would be alright, but for some reason I just couldn't sit still. I felt like I wanted to die, nothing felt right at all. Then I learned that he thought kids shouldn't believe in unicorns, or fairies, witches or wizards, and I thought that was pretty fucked up. He said if we arent living in the real world from day one than we never will. He said we'll never get a job and we'll never be happy, and now I don't know what to do. I love my life. I love pretending. I loathe reality and I dont want to lose what I have. But he was a fucking idiot who messed with my life and now I cant find it in my heart to pretend about anything anymore.

Valentine Riot

It's February fourteenth
and I need to tell you what happened last night.
But first, I don't know who did it or why,
someone shot me straight through the heart.

I knew you were going to break my heart
today when my friends weren't around.
But someone beat you to it,
and now I bet you wish they hadn't.

Today is the commercial day of love,
though it came about through riots
I still love you, but it seems that no longer matters,
and now there is no chance for us to repair this.

Someone has split my heart in two,
and I know you wish it was you.
I am gone,
but I can't stop thinking about you...

I can't believe what I was planning to do,
how could anyone stand to love you?
They found out who killed me,
guess what, you did this to me!

I knew you were going to break my heart,
but I never thought it'd be like this.
Goodbye and please know I'm not the only one
that you hurt by this crazy action.

Do you

When I think of you
I cant let the thoughts go,
do you still hold on to
all the things we had?

Do you remember the look
on my face when I was done?
Do you remember the sound
I made seconds before crying?

What about any of the
things I said to you
when I wanted to flee,
and when you saved me?

Do you still think
about all the times
you won and I wore pink
just cause you wanted me to?

What about the markers
in my hand and the little
notes I wrote on your hand
when you werent looking?

And all the drawings in
the locker when I was bored?
Or the stories deep within
that we wrote on stormy Sundays?

But my favorite was
the old song
on the old brown radio
with the old lyrics sung
time and time again.

do you remember any
of it? Or even my own
fucking name? Was there
meaning to the game?

Perfect Couples

I'm alone in a see if sameness,
on a ship of bordem,
standing in the pouring rain.

You are the somebody,
in a world of hope ,
in a car of hope,
you don't know what is pain.

I am a girl of fear
you are a dude with no tear.

I want to run
and hide,
I hope to die.

You want to stand out,
and have fun,
no way you're shy.

So how can we claim
to be one and the same?
How can we pretend to love
when I'll go to hell and you up above?

Blue Heart

When you think of a heart, you think of happiness and love.
When you draw a heart, you color it red.
But for some people, their heart is blue.
Blue because of all the things it went through.
Blue because of all the tears it has cried.
Because of all the pain and loss.
Their heart is no longer red and full of happiness, it's cold and lonely.
But this does not mean it's incapable of love, quite the opposite in fact.
The blue heart is guarded around most people.
But when in love, it gives its everything.
It isn't shy or scared.
A blue heart makes the best people in the end.
       

                  I have a blue heart

Star

You said that we are doomed to be damned. Because apparently, somewhere along the way of secret phone calls at two am and kisses out in the rain before the school bell rang, and all the secrets that we told, and all the blood promises made, we never thought to ask each other for our names. So we called each other dreamer and star, but star, I miss you. Star, I love you. Star, you are the brightest star in my life and I think that maybe, just maybe somewhere between our runs at dusk and our walks til dawn I might have fallen in love with you. But now you are gone, and here I am, all alone... waiting for a hero that will never show.  Why'd you have to meet the knife? Why did you take your life that night? Why did I fall for someone I knew would never stay? Will I see you again one day?

*Star is a false name to cover my friend, not that it matters anymore.

Best Friends, (NEVER)

People tell us we are sisters, they say we are best friends, they say we are the little princesses, but you know what, we were years ago, but havent been since we were 6. And You know what else? I wanna say that she always had the better things and the worse friends. She was the spoiled rotten brat and I was the hidden brat. I was always her freaking shadow well I'm done with it.

Have Fun

Don't say that you are living a full life if

you never stop living everyday life to smile,

to laugh, to loosen up the tie and dance,

or to break societies so called rules,

but my favorite one is don't forget to love all that you do.

*P.S for those of you who care I am the only girl in the picture and my boyfriend is the guy to the left <3

Leave me be

People say it is a crime for me to smile,

I don't give a damn.

If I want to smile I will smile.

I love to smile, and grandpa,

you are the one saying I can't be happy

well fuck you. 

I am happy. 

I will be happy.

You can't stop me,

so leave me be you bastard.

Oh, and fuck you

Whenever I see you, I want to melt into a pile of nothing 

so I don't get in your way and so that maybe, 

just maybe I can keep from embarrassing myself.

Soul Mates

If it's meant to be, it will be.

And baby, we are meant to be, 

I mean just look at the memories we have.

I love you.

I miss you.

I need you. 

You must be meant for me

Work

 Supposedly we all have to work,
but when you do, if your job requires you to be
a monkey in a coat and tie,
and live in a stuffy old office
than please dont take the job.
You can do something so much more fun
and so much better for your soul
if you just look in a new place.


Phillip I love you for taking this picture and I love you even more for giving me this advice so long ago

When will you come again?

We read each others minds, we hold hands in public, 

we make fools of ourselves, we laugh and joke, 

we wrote on our friends in sharpie when we are bored,

but my favorite thing to do with you is to sit in sun

out on the grass side by side staring at the sky 

as we talk about school, life, friends and everything else,

and right before you go, you look me in the eyes 

then lean forward and kiss the sweetest kiss I'll ever know.

When will we meet again?

Happy

Sometimes we have to stop and think,
"Am I truly happy, or is this a mask?"
or even wonder,
"What is it I am doing to ensure that I'm ok?"
But the most important by far is,
"What must I do to stay as happy as possible?"
Once you have the answers, smile and get to work,
you need to smile more cause you never know
who is watching, who is where, or even why you were ever sad. 

Who are You?

Who are you, thinking that what you say actually matters to me? 

Because since the first time you did your on off thing, 

I haven't cared about anything you said. 

So you think you won, you think you hurt me,

believe me I'm stronger because of you.

If its Goodbye

If I leave today, thanks to death's soft kiss 

or thanks to lack of courage, 

please know I will never let the memories of you fade away 

and abandon either of us...

you mean far too much to me to lose for any reason; 

so thank you

Us in Love

Without you by my side, I am nobody, but even worse than that I am nothing. I am a tiny spec of dust, considered an enemy to all the clean freaks of the world. I miss amounting to something, I miss you, cause its true, I'm in love with you.

Upside down

Today everything is upside down
I am happy as can be
yet scared as hell.
I am normal and drab
today calm and totally fab.

So yes this is the upside down

Life Can Be

If you are unsatisfied with life, then don't hate it. 

Find a way to love it.

Change your point of view, do anything you can to smile. 

life is good, and don't forget it, please.

Laughter

If laughter is the best medicine. 

Then a day without laughter is a day wasted.

Love is....

 

Love is...

-Love is the most painful lie you will ever hear

-Love is the most beautiful thing you will ever feel

- Love is a passionate kiss on the forehead when you're feeling down

-Love is the blood searing inside of us each and every day

-Love is something we all dream of but few will do

-Love is what I feel for you every moment of every minute of every day I think about you

And lastly:

-Love is the greatest way to die... 

To A.B: And even though you killed me, I am not hurt. 

Trend Setter

If bleeding were a fashion,
I'd be the trendsetter of this
tinny tiny fucking town
made up of only idiots
and the biggest fools of all,
the people still comprised of sanity.
If lying were an acceptable trend
I would be the trendsetter
I would be the one in power
and no one would be able to tell me otherwise.
So why the hell are you still staring at me?
Why the hell are you calling me crazy?
I am simply a trend setter in this fucked up world
made up of nobodies and nothings
that nobody will ever care about.

Before you Bloom

Before you become the beautiful flower,
you must notice who you are
and stay true to your authentic self...
If not you will never bloom into anything
except the flower that gets picked, stomped on and trashed,
so please know that before you blossom
you have to learn about yourself...

The Path

We all have a path to follow... 

we all have somewhere to be...

we all have someone to love...

we all have something, but me.

Follow the path where you need to go

the universe will tell you anything you need to know.

Wanna Hear Me?

Okay so you guys may be wondering what I sound like so I found this website to record messages and leave the link so people can hear. This is me reading a poem to my mom on her birthday (1/17) I hope you enjoy... and you can hear me read something with all my heart...

http://vocaroo.com/?media=vIPShq3QTcKQ1j6lP

Okay so you have to copy and paste the address above in order to hear it... I'm sorry...

Flavor

Don't tell a poet what to write,
don't tell an artist what to paint.
Trust me, that just isn't right,
and it doesn't make you a saint.

Just don't do it,
if you care so much
don't keep it a secret,
release with your own touch.

Don't tell a gamer how to play,
don't tell a ghost how to cry.
Trust me they'll have a lot to say,
and they won't even have to try.

You say you love me,
so let me express what I think.
You have to let me be free,
and I love the taste of ink.

Don't tell a girl how to dress,
don't tell a guy how to throw.
It only creates a bigger mess,
and takes you where you don't want to go.

It is the worst idea a person could get,
it's really not at all that smart.
Just give them space and let
them express with their own heart.

I am

Im the girl who doesnt say a word that keeps her mouth shut

Im the girl who sits by herself listening to others talk around her

Im the girl who will never change although

having improved so much

Im the girl who can never get things right

Love is a game of cards

Love is a game of cards, however you play mixed with luck is the only way to win.

Though just like every game, be careful when dealing with cheaters.

Reminder:

Remember just like snowflakes and raindrops we are all unique,

but maybe you should know that by trying to be different and

And stand out that we are being the exact same as a thousand

Others are at the same time.

I Am OK

" Mads, are you alright?" Asked a girl we'll call A.

Mads smiled, nods, and says," Yeah, I am ok. Why do you ask?"

"There are tears in your eyes and you have that dazed look again," A answered.

mads thought for a moment, "Yep, I am 100% totally fine."

With that A walked away, Mads began to cry, "But I am not ok. I have never been ok"

From that point on, if anyone asked Mads answered, "I'm OK"