The Understanding

Right Now you aren't yourself, and that's okay because really, nobody is. You see right before a new year we all die a little bit so that we can be "reborn" with new chances and a fresh canvass. You have exactly one year from today to create a masterpiece for us to display at the next big art show. Who are you going to be this time? 

The Vines Tangle Everything

I know you weren't there when the soldiers flood into town warning us all to run from the hate and pain we caused the world. I know you didn't hear the way children screamed and babies cried at the first glance of the red blood streaming in. I know you really aren't missing much. But I just thought you deserved a final fair well in case Time took me and passed me on to Death tonight as I lose myself in the middle of Sorrow’s crossfire against the End.

The Ticket in Your Hand

So until next time, I just want you to know that no one else makes me so happy.

The Missing Pieces

Even the shadows wonder where you are.

The Beautiful Chaos

"I wish you found me important," Lighting said to the rain.

the Shared Heart

Even though I'm not there and you are not here. Even though I don't know what is going on anymore. Even though something is always missing and I know what it is, I won't say it. I still know exactly how you feel. And if I were you. If I were feeling so alone it would help to know that someone else out there feels the same way. And if that is difficult for you to imagine, just look at me here, I am just as alone as you feel.

The Gone for A While

Its so hard to enjoy the day and all ots beauty while knowing you are somewhere far away and alone in the crowd of family you love but dont love at the same time...

If you find this, merry Christmas... smile...?

I miss you, I miss you, I really really miss you...

The Cross Eyed Lovers

You and I we're poprocks and coke. The world and everyone else in it, well, they are all just vinegar and water. No wonder they don't understand this hope we share. Now tell me, Love, which would you rather be?

The Rough Draft

I know you read everything I write and search for my newest works of art every single day. You know the quotes I love to quote, the songs I often reference, the titles of everything I've ever read. You know that it's all for you because when you find it butterflies dance in your stomach and you know and understand exactly how I feel. You know that someday you will do something bigger and better than anything I ever could all for one person (you hope it will be me) that will make them feel the way you do right now as you sit here reading this sentence. And don't worry, I l know you feel what I feel. I know it is there somewhere, but you can't tell me. Not just yet, anyway.

The Paper is the World

We used to stencil drawings on each other as holidays and birthdays neared. After all works of art had to be presented to family members and strange guests as flood our house as tiny and cramped as it was. And you always were the one that looked best, not because of my awkward dancing doodles but because of the beauty you already had before they began ringing that ever sweet chime at the door for mother and father to hear. I was fine with it growing up, they were kind enough to treat us both well, but as our memories hold those moments now there was always something special about you. Perhaps it was the sparkle in your eye as you talked or maybe the stenciled smile everyone always envied. But either way I miss those mornings and all our girly fun. Wherever you are, please tell me you have not forgotten those times so easily.

The Reason For Airports

I could stand here for hours looking for something that does not remind me of you. But I would not find anything. It's like nothing ever happened. It's like you were part of everything I ever did. Sometimes I think you were only a dream. Others I know you were so much more than that. 

The Empty Lobby

If you ever need anything just ask me. Anything at all. Right now I am on my way back with the painted sky and the melodic waves; do you want some coffee while I am out?

The War's End

And now when I talk about you I refer to you as the one with too tan skin and a smile that fixes everything. It's just that your name hurts so many people here, now that you are gone. I don't know if you realize what you did to us or not, but either way you will  not be allowed back without much thought, deliberation, and apology. Goodbye.

The Ballet Shoes, Butterfies, and Music Notes

You go through each and every day with emotional grace. Deciding what's worth your time and what's not. Every day you grow and change just a little bit more. You create and destroy with every action and every thought. I just want you to know this and remember it. Always.

The Angels Walk Among Us

I promised you I would never leave and I kept that promise even if you can't see me. There are thousands of others who promised the same, they asked me to make sure that the rest of the world knows that they are still beside their loved ones always. You have no idea how much we love you.

The Skeleton Remains of Us

I dont know if you remember when we were young and thought we knew everything, I don't know if you remember the way we listened to music as we sat in the sun speaking nonsense that made everyone else believe that we had gone crazy. I don't know if you remember horse back riding through open fields without a clue where we were going, when secrets spilled  so effortlessly. Do you remember the way that we took pictures of each other in every oddly unimaginable way we could because we were together happily for the first time? And years from now when you find this again, will you still remember when we were young and thought we knew everything, will you remember the way we made life and all the world jealous of us and the simple ways we made things enjoyable. Never will I forget being with you, and I hope you are the same way. But right now it seems like you have gone away and I really just want you to know that I miss you so much.

The Scripting Process

Someday we will be old and grey with sparkling, shimmering eyes and crookedly wonderful smiles. Notebooks from when we were teenagers, against the world and everything within it,  will be lined on shelves in some sort of odd order or scattered across the living room floor (our backs couldn't handle picking them all up.) Each one filled with dream-like aspirations and moments we refuse to forget. Your hands will be leathery from playing guitar, too much that you can only teach others from the back porch instead.  Every night we will sit on the silky piano bench (crimson with ebony designs to represent ourselves and the people we once were) so I can play the songs that mean the most to us. Sometimes you will put your arm around me a d whisper all our secrets again and when the song's delicate notes fade into silence you will pull me close for one of our unforgetable kisses. Other times, you will stand behind me, mesmerized by the perfection and grace. Early in the summer we will sit beneath the stars sharing sweet nothings and sugarplum touches. In the depths of winter we will curl up with each other listening to a friendly fire crackle as we take turns reading poetry, lyrics, and short stories aloud to each other (and children or grandchildren should they ever occur.) Someday we will be old and closer to our end. But we will feel young and free knowing that nothing could ever make us happier. The clock will be ticking, each breath keeping tally, and still there will be no fear or sorrow, because we were in love for all those years.

I know it's a lot and it may not be what you want but it's my attempt at telling you that I really do love you and hope that we have forever to share.

The Season Has Begun

I know I don't know you and you don't know me (or I guess we could have done more than simply passed each other by on the street the way I always imagine as I write these things) but I want you to know that you are amazing and wonderful no matter what others have to say.  And as you know holidays are coming up soon and family will be gathering harmlessly once again, so I hope you believe me when I say that only beautiful things are on their way to you.  Oh, and love is always with you (even if it is just the love I send your way every morning.) So smile, and go on with your day finding all the best parts of the world surrounding you.

The Peace Made with Now

So tomorrow is all about history, new beginnings, and being grateful for what we already have. Whether that is a crust of bread or an entire feast.  And even though you don't have everything you want, you do have a lot. I mean you can read these words on a brightly lit screen that others only dream of.  Oh and you have me, now and forever. I hope that is enough of a reason to be ok with what you have, even if it is not everything someone else has.

I love you.

I miss you.

It is all alright.

Be well. 

the lighthouse is hope and ignorance

Angels and daemons they both exist. You can allow the dark ones to pass through the golden gates to all things good and an eternal existence of pure bliss. and you can give white winged beauties never to be forgotten a one way ticket to the only place anyone's imagination could ever fear more than death and fear themselves. There is something satisfactory in knowing you have such power, but you should know, once a person has been placed somewhere it is almost guaranteed that they will not see the flames and sparks of anywhere different so long as they shall live.

The Little Things People Do

It's okay, I never payed you enough either. Although when I think about it I know why I didn't. And I regret it every day. So whenever I go to the grocery store or out eat I always tip the people I meet more than I should. And honestly, I know that does not make my actions anymore moral or fair, but I hope it helps, just a little.

The Emotional Soldiers' Call to Arms

I know you have had a rough time lately. And I'm sorry about that. Maybe this will cheer you up:

I love you I love you I really really love you.

And in case you have not noticed, this awkward pile of effortlessly strung words are going to use up all of my allotted public displays of affection and when the world asks me how many different things I did for how many different people I will look them in the eye and smile as I explain that I only ever did one remarkable thing for one stunning person. I will also find great pleasure in telling them that what I did made everyone else who came in contact with these breadcrumb pathway like pieces of my heart so completely jealous that angels begged me to try something else to honor you.  To me you are worth all of it though. Anyone else who may win my heart will think me so completely boring they probably won't last all that long.

Forever and Always, (I promise ove.)

With Eternal Ove,
Your Angel

The Whispering

You know you belong here.

                 You know that I matter.

                             So where are you today?

The Business Trip Became Pleasure

You know you belong here.

 You know that I matter.

So where are you?

The Grey Clouds are Rainless

You know you belong here. 

You know that I matter.

So where are you today?

The Music Becomes Part of Us

There is just something about feeling the way that we feel that makes everyone jealous of us and all the things we do. Thank you for introducing me to this type of joy :)

The Massive Look Into My Mind

to preface this please view: http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2008/11/solitary-figure.html and http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2008/09/bonus-round.html

look, I know you are gone for now, maybe for good, but imma rant here anyway. Maybe someday I'll make it a poem or a story, but for now it'll be written waiting for your eyes and your eyes only; should they ever find this. My heart belongs to you, my soul is in your hands, and my mind is rarely anything close to rational when you are around. Granted, I'm rarely rational at all, ever anyway. But I am going to pour myself out to you anyway, I am going to just tell you all I can, because it's all I know and all I will ever know. And there are so many things I would not normally say, though I believe I have the oppertunity to say them here, without judgement or harrassment out of fear for your reactions, emotions, thoughts, or even opinons in terms of what I am dying to make known to you and someday to the world as well; not that you want that to happen for quite some time, not that that will happen until I have published a book and found my way to you.

Length of my thoughts never seems to push you away so I hope that is still the case here. 

Yes, I love you. Yes, I dream of you in ways I shouldn't; with more detail than I have let on to. Yes, sometimes I am a typical teen chick and I do things around you for shock factor and reactions showing some sort of love or compassion. Love, that is not at all what you want to hear but it is all I know  that is true and when I get on my rants like this, you are gonna get truth, pain,and probably a bit more love in your heart for me; that i if you have any there at all to begin with. And there is a lot I am hoping this will help m get off my chest. (Yes som of it,you are already fully aware of)

Lets start with things you know:

• I love you more than I thought was possible or right

• I wish that you were happy, more than I wish for anything else

• I am pretty sure that I will get better, so any sense of urgancy is more than useless

• I wish that you didn't always worry so much about me

• I hope that only good things find their way to you from now until the end of time

• I miss you

• oh yeah and I LOVE YOU!

Now on to something  I know will make you smile:

Dream house ideas:

• tree house like i've already shown you

• somewhere with some sort of scenery

• a glass wall on an outer space (does that make sense?)

• Nightmare before christmas room for us to watch all the movies we love

• An observatory for star gazing (sorr,love stars though you are the brightest one I'll ever see)

• a library with artsy ceilings, poetry covered bookshelves and floors, a million books- including the ones we write.

• a fire pit outside somewhere

• a room for an area to just be, write, read, breathe, anything

Enough listing, back to ranting sorry. 

If I ever met you, face to face, I would want it to be something simple; so I could just know that you actually are the person I am in love with.I wouldn't be specific because I really only want an experience where I get to meet you and just be with you. 

Of all the things I day dream, all the things I have ever really hoped for, none of them have ever been so vivid until I met you. (You don't understand this, because you have only ever heard my simple almost innocent ones; in hopes you wouldn't judge or hate me) Of all the things I even dared to allow to cross my mind,  none of those things have ever brought me any sort of joy or sense of wellness or even simply hope until you began inspiring those thoughts, and please please dont take that the wrong way... I've never wanted to be around anyone nearly as much as I wish I could be around anyone else (I am a massively depessed recluse, I suppose) 

I've never wished I could hug someone nearly as much as I wish I could just hug you once before Time takes me away. Maybe that is proof that I love you...

Anyway, I guess I'm done taking up your time. 

P.S i hope you are O.K

the roses are waiting at your door

I don't know where to go from here but as my friend always says, the best time to find yourself is when you are lost. But before I start searching for anything, I want you to know my love for you is stronger than the moon's pull on the ocean. I said forever and always and I intend to keep that up, until Death dies and even after the ends of time.

The Ghost Roses

|know you don't know where thoughts come from but dreams come from those thoughts. I need you to understand that origins don't always matter

The Circuitry Class Became Biology

You are made of me and I am made of you, but how do we know if we have enough of each other to keep from falling apart. I am made from bits and pieces of others (memories they begged to forget and pain they refused to carry on any farther) but it was never enough to keep them around. You and me, we're different than them though. We're stitched together with love, we're handcrafted from the most unique pieces of glass on Earth, we're ourselves and then each other. And that's enough for me, I hope it is enough for you too.

The Blue, Blue Sky

  Everyone sees the sky filled with clouds and hope. Only lovers see the same colors and friends see the same shapes. I don’t know why this is, I simply that it is the fact. You, as much as you deny it, you know too. You believe it with every fiber of your being, just as you believe in magic behind everything. Yes, you are right, there is magic in everything, there is peace in love, and there is hope in life. I think you might want to find that before deciding whether or not you should take such a precious life.

The Memories Became People

I know for a short while you tried that lifestyle, and even the one I live now. I know you did not enjoy them, so you crafted your own from the molds of your skin. I know you are going mad wondering what I will make of myself and who others will be because of me. But I need you to stop worrying, I need your mind somewhere safe… please.  

The Way I Meant to End the Letter

Should you ever need to become a work of art I could reshape you from nothing but clay with only my hands as a reference. That is how much time we spent together before I lost myself while trying to find myself. Should you ever need to become a story for those to come along in the future I could write in my sleep. That is how well I know you, even now, now that I am absent from this life you love so much. Should you ever need to become more than you are, I would convince the world that you were God. That is how much love I have for you in this tattered, torn heart.

If you have found this, I hope you understand. Now that you have seen this, I want you to know that it is the sign you have been looking for.

The Patterns People Make

Will you be the best part of my life?

The Never Ending Rampage

Ghosts everywhere quoting all the best things you've ever said to me.  Spiders are forming webs over the locked boxes of our memories - unforgotten yet ignored for months. Demons asking for pain to feast on; trying to make me miss you more than I already do or want to tear you to shreds for leaving me again. Witches came by to collect tears of the broken hearted and blood of the dead thing sitting inside of me, for spells and potions more insane than your wildest dreams. Banshees are afraid of me because this pain makes my shrill screams so much worse than theirs. It's all because of you. This year, Halloween will be beyond memorable.

The Royal Blue World

There is love here, there is sadness. People sing and dance here, people scream and bleed here. Some days you will float effortlessly, others you will inevitably sink; the trick is knowing when to swim.

Just remember it is balanced as you feel necessary. 

The Sound Falling Pieces Make

A shattering heart is the loudest thing you will ever hear. The only thing louder will be the screaming your own heart makes when it breaks.

Don't worry though.

This too shall pass.

The Missing Pieces of Info

So science is not my cup of tea, I wish you were still around to help me gather my info and understand why we are here and how to make this works. I want to be able to go to you and say that i finally get what you spent so long trying to teach me. I miss my tutor and my best friend, i miss feeling loved and making you feel loved. I miss helping each other find better things in love than the shitty situations we have been given. And I guess this web page is going to become one big boring mess of letters written for to you for the world and all its strangers to see when they get bored and go out looking for more pathetic drama to read. And maybe you get that and maybe you don't, but right now, i don't give a damn because you need these and you are going to find them someday if its the last god damn thing you do.
                                                                                                                Forever
                                                                                                         Your Broken Lover

The Flowing River

There are so many things people want to say, so many things they can't because they know someone will hate them for it, so many things driving each and every one of us crazy.

I think you should say those things today. It's better than letting them build up inside you enough to really kill you.

Besides, I think you will feel a lot better after letting yourself go anyway.

the Apathetic Apology

I never sat down and ripped my heart out for you.

I just fell in love.

I never wanted to be the best part of our life.

I just wanted to be in it.

I never decided to hurt you all those times.

I just didn't think clearly.

I never begged someone for more of their time when they left.

I just figured you were different.

The Softly Playing Piano

For being dead you don't have
much time on your hands,
when I need you, you are no
where to be found. Yet you,
promised me you would never


run.


Why you left me first, I don't
understand. Sure you were older
than me, but you were also
healthier and way more


loved.


You were supposed to be there,
an example for all the things
I've yet to do. You wanted to meet
the girl I'm gonna marry someday,
I knew her before you actually


left.


Grandpa, I love you,
dad was so happy today
about the bike you gave him
and I love the firebird, but
then we got the tragic


news.


Don't forget to remember me,
Kaylie and mom too. I promise
you will forever remain loved in our


hearts.



----------------------------------------------------

this is not my experience, but they are my words. my friend's grandfather passed away yesterday, this was my way of putting myself in his shoes and understanding the loss of someone I wanted to meet, but never did.

The Tastelessness of Water

The two most difficult things in the world are describing what water tastes like and telling you just how much I love you. Neither can accurately be put into words powerful enough to do them any justice at all.

The News Story Shocks Us All

It's good to know that missing someone is a crime. It's even better to know that the simplistic mistakes cost an arm and a leg now. I'm sorry. 

The Little Song

I miss you

I miss you

I really

R E A L L Y

miss you.

The Fearlessness Traits

Someday there will be nothing left to fear and we will live exactly the way we want. That much I promise. So  long as it's still what you want when the time comes.

The Unmade Bed and Open Drawers

There are rumors around town that you are going to leave me soon, I don't want to be surprised when  it happens so if you are going to leave me, do it now. Do it today. I love you. Goodbye.

Or maybe, I love you. Welcome. Stay, stay as long as you can. 

The Stranger Was Good Enough

If today is the last time the train is going to run, I hope that you know I wish you the very best in life. I hope that you know I am grateful for all the early morning sips of your coffee because I left mine on the kitchen counter at home with my tie. I hope that you know I am sorry to be losing such a wonderful evening conversationalist after the painfully long work weeks and the never ending days of staring at a computer screen, confined between gray barriers in a crowded office somewhere for hours and hours on end. And if today is the last time this train is going to run I hope that you know you have gone unnamed for years, but I will always remember and miss such a beautiful stranger,

The Songs Remember More Than Us

There is going to come a day when you don't really recall who I was or why we were so happy together, when that time comes I hope that you will turn on your radio and our song will play again, and all those memories will come flooding back to you. I hope that you will be able to feel my arms around you again and taste my sugary lips one last time (even though the taste lasts for years at a time) and that you will regret forgetting all about me all those moments before.Because I promise Time will not take you from my memory, nor will I allow myself to let the songs slip away the way you always seem to do when you run from someone with love for you.

The Cheesy Greeting Card Says

In life we are sad, we are surprised, and there are many other emotions;but the best is happiness. Happiness takes 17 bones and a slight sound. We would all rather be happy, so forget the other

emotions and BE HAPPY!

The Final Words are a Bit Early

When they ask for final thoughts of me at my funeral, please someone say that I was here, I lived, I loved, and I wrote something for everyone hoping that someday I would be something special, someone famous just so that I could change at least one life on my own. When they ask you for the things that I enjoyed I have to ask for someone to say that I liked anything artistic especially if it was created by you. And just before everyone leaves I want someone, anyone at all, to tell them, to scream it to the world that I loved you .

The Almost Rant

I dont know why but I keep having nightmares about you. You leaving me. You pulling yourself away. You being gone. Gone way too far away and making sure I know that I will not see you again someday. I don't know why, but I keep making it half way through my day and then just starting to cry. Cry tears of pain hot to my skin but cool to the touch. Cry tears of joy for all the new born girls and boys. Cry tears just to cry, to get them out of me to take them away. I don't know why, but I keep hearing your voice and talking to myself in hopes you might actually be there. In hopes you might actually be with me, holding me close to your heart, my head on your chest far away from all harm. In hopes you might actually care to see me again someday. In hopes that you might actually be here. And I don't know why, but really, I feel like soon a goodbye is coming, and if it is to you, I want you to know that I will never ever forget you.