The Dream

It's such a shame that night had to end. Everything was perfect for once. I finally had you. The real you. That's all I ever really cared about. Too bad it had to end so soon...

The Way It Needs to Begin

As we stood in the hallway, enveloped in an eerie silence giving way to no true signs of worry nor happiness,  I wondered what exactly would come of these few minutes. The first we were truly alone, with no one able to sneak up on us, no one wanting to tear us apart, no one around to see the people we actually could be together. I heard you breathing so deep, so scared. I felt your heart beat, first fast then so very slow. I saw the words racing through your mind, your eyes really do tell all. You and I always talked about the things we would do if we were actually alone, I'm just so glad we didn't dare to try that night. Wind was beating on the windows, the doors were all unlocked, and I well I just wanted to cry.

After a few moments we stepped into my room, my sanctuary, my world, the place that I have watched myself bleed the crimson drops I have honestly yet to reget and where I have taken pictures no eyes should ever see; and yet the only place no one has ever been allowed to enter. It was amusing to hear you laugh at the pictures scattered around and calming to joke around with headbands and hats I haven't worn or seen in years. Everything seemed so perfect, as I wondered what exactly you managed to think about.

And then came the kisses, the stillness wrapped in life lessons I have to know. At first we stood in the center of the chaos, the calm before the storm, though it seems that did not last long. Once it was obvious no one would pull up in the driveway and question the teal truck; because no one was on their way home to make dinner for children hungry after a long and busy Saturday, or to please a spouse with all the things they have dreamed of and bragged of to coworkers that really means nothing when it happens so often; we began to free ourselves of the boundaries we have set any other time we sat together. Hands were set lose to roam wherever they wanted, but they refused to go too far along anyone. Heads were resting wherever they could be comfortably nestled. Hearts said things they have been too afraid to say.

That was the night we knew where we belonged. It was the night we were truly happy. Most importantly though it was the night when anything could have happened.

To be continued...

The Broken Heart

As much as it hurts, as much s you love, as much as you hate you are only destroying yourself. The shadows can only ever be so dark - you are never fully enveloped or forgotten from anybody's mind for any reason ever. And I know it hurts now, they were all you ever wanted, they left you coiled up on the dusty ground inside the iceburg of forever; but you will be stronger in the end, of this I  promise. 

The Only Thing

Dont get mad but the only way ill be happy is if i have you.

The Wrapping Paper Wasn't Neccessary

I forgot to tell you that I'll be going away for a while. I'll be out of touch, maybe. There is no wrapping paper left for me to use  use and I have no gifts to give but I would like you to know that I love you more than life itself and I hope you are kissing beautiful queens under missile toe and that you are happy with all that you have to show for living this long through that hell we call life.

The Voice

There are some things you will understand and I will never. And there are things I will understand that Im sure you will never be able to grasp. But this one we are hearing together. This one is a story so different from our own but so much alike.

The Time Machine

I found a way to stop myself from hurting you as we sat in the pews old the old church that Thursday morning waiting to go down the stairs and line up on the risers ready to sing those tired old loves songs for each other and the whole church filled audience around. I found a way to stop myself from giving you the pen that you used to write "P.C. <3 M.K 4EVER" on your left palm when I whispered into your ear, "You look handsome today." I found a way to stop myself from kissing your amazing pale lips in the rain as I wore your navy blazer over my strapless navy dress. The way to stop it is to use the new closet sized invention to go back to that cool day in February and warn me not to ever say "I love you" because you would only hate me for it. It would save you detention and save my mascara from staining my face for that next week. The only thing is, I don't want to forget the day because ten months have passed and I still love you... as a brother, as a friend, as someone important in my life. Instead of the sleepless nights in your arms that we always dreamed of I drown in a poisonous pool of tears. Just to know you are happy I found a way to take back that day and spare all the other men of the standards you once set. And in cause you know how to find this and you see your picture plastered all over this stupid site, I hope you didn't forget me the way everyone else did. I'm sorry I'm the reason you moved so far away. I'm sorry I was your angel and then I tore you down to the depths of that burning place lower than low. And I remember the way you kissed me on the steps of that church and all the other kids laughed and said that we were forever. I remember my mother standing so close and calling you cute, but never getting any of the things we had done behind her back. And I can still see the way you looked at me with your black eye with such dispise that I could lie to you the way I did, and I'm so sorry I did. I just hope you understand, things were over before they started with that one and that you still hold a piece of my heart and a story I will never be able to admit is true to the others in the future that I may learn to love.

I don't know why I thought of you today of all days, but you really are someone I'll never forget... and should anyone else find and read this, I'm sorry I lied to you too, because I guess I forgot a story because I was unable to tell it for so long. . . 

The Only True Medicine

If all you want is to feel better
   If all you need is some love.
       If all you are asking for is the cure.

Then you should be here with me
        then you could understand it all
       
The cure is holding me
       the cure is smiling with someone
             the cure is feeling okay even when things arent.
                   the cure is BPM and MRM for all the years that have yet to come.

The Quote has no meaning

"If you're strong enough to take that blade and draw it across your skin. 

If you're strong enough to take those pills and swallow them when no one's home.

If you're strong enough to tie that rope and hang it from the ceiling fan.

If you're strong enough to jump off that bridge, my friend.

You are strong enough, to live."  

To the man who said that, sometimes you can't be strong enough to live after all that you have seen. And sometimes it makes so much more sense just to taste butterfly kisses from the cool blade, or swallow those disgusting pills so you the pain will just end, and sometimes the rope calls your name so loud that you can't do anything else about it, other times the bridge is the only sanity you have left. And I'm sorry to say this but unless you've seen the places some poor souls have been you just can't understand. 

The Forgotten Friend

The raindrops miss the clouds but not vise versa. The canvass needs her paint, but the feeling is not likewise. I wonder how someone can completely forget someone who was absolutely everything they ever wanted for so long...

The End of it All

Should the world end today, even though I'm well aware it won't - it's already the 22nd in Austriala (happy birthday Aaron, I still hate you)
I would like you to know that I love you - I always have and I always will (please dont forget)
The world is beautiful - and so are you (this will never change even when I detest you to the ends of time and back)

The Friend

Anyone can be a stranger but it takes so much more to be a friend. Anyone can talk to you, but a friend will listen, understand, and join in. Anyone can smile or make you smile, only a friend can give that smile meaning though. 

The Tranquility

Every time I go down to the river bank I remember when we sat on the dew painted grass and watched the sunrise above us as we gasped we would be that powerful one day. I remember the hot summer days splashing cool, crisp water on each other until one of us was dared to kiss the other. And I remember the serenity of the perfect nights in your arms. I hope wherever you are you can agree there was magnificence there. 

The Snowflakes Can Talk

Sometimes the right people saybthe wrong things. Sometimes everything seems so wrong but really its making you stronger for the perfect ending. And sometimes I love you just isnt true enough for my taste.

Have a good day.
I miss you.
I love you.
Thank you

The Glasses

Sometimes you cant see anything except whats in front of you. Some times even with the glasses people are blind. In those times you need a special person to open your eyes. You need someone who can show you all the things you cant. And you opened my eyes, I only hope that one day I can repay the favor.

The Drugged, Stoned, and Mugged Feeling

Maybe it doesnt seem like anything, but when youre with them everything is important. When your hands roam along their body its good, they know they are loved are wanted and are adored. Its funny when you look them straight in the eye and they stare back... Eyes are a funny thing. They cant speak but they are so talkative...  Moments- picture perfect moments to kiss them simply say i like you more than they think. Dont go away, like me too. Should you destract them with people from the past in ways to where they are with you now, please realize you are killing a soul. And finally of all when you have someone else thinking they have you but you know they dont. But you have someone here now that loves you like you love them or even more... Dont make wait longer than anyone else would wait to have you. I promise you youre doing more bad than good by hiding, by sneaking, and by cheating...

The Magic

I guess that only those who fear the fall can fall. I guess its a good thing we are in love, so in love.

The Soul Mates ARE Real

Us. Maybe. Forever. You. Tell. Me.

The songs that could have been ours

Our song - matchbox twenty
3am - matchbox twenty
Imaginary - evanescence
Little plastic castles - ani defranco

Or even...

anything but you decided I wasnt worth the time of day for your wonderland... Guess im a sucky alice... I hope your days as mad hatter get brighter. Though do tell me, how is a raven like a writing desk?

The Prisons

And they think everything they say is law I hope you can hold your head high enough to know there could never be a worse lie, especially when they're talking about you. You are loved by many. You are missed by all. Stay strong, hold on for us, just wait a little longer. You will be O.K.

The Children Do Taunt at School

I know it's not poetry.
I know it isn't a story.
But maybe it is prose
or maybe it's a song.

Don't tell me it's not real
don't say it isn't right.
I really don't care what you say
this is for me, and you - not you!

I'm lying in a river
drowning in tears.
I'm climbing the mountain
facing all of my fears.

Don't say it,
I know what youre thinking.
I am who I am
and you can't stop me. 

The Glossy Finish

Flowers don't wilt when people scoff. Day doesn't fade faster when they curse it away. Rain doesn't always end when people have had enough. So please be like them and be yourself, don't let people change you... please. 

The Tired Excuses

Dear you, Dearest Friend, Dearest Love,

As the holidays quickly approaching  I am wondering how we still find time to see each other in the way that we do and so often. It amazes me that we are able to love despite our differences and our problems. I can hardly believe that any of this is real. But before I run away or ramble on some totally off topic I would like you to know I am going to get you something this year for Christmas just to thank you for being around so much and even just for being you.

Maybe this wont matter, but I think now would be the time to say I have known you for a year, and I think I have fallen in love with you. Well, no I havent known for a year, but thats how it seems. And I dont think I am in love, I know I am... that is so long as you dont let me continue falling with no intention to catch me. I'll see you again soon, I hope. And when I do I think I will be able to tell you something I find it is not suitable to write here, so long as you understand how important you are to me.

I have gifts to wrap, songs to sing, and much more to get ready before our next encounter, so I shall end this here. I love you with all of my heart and dont forget about me, please.

With love (obviously),
M.R.K/

The Buddha is in Trouble

You pushed too far honey, they gave up on you. No one knows what to do, you need to try again. Just help us please, stop misbehaving to open our eyes. They are open, we are okay, we get the point. Try again, you need to be a normal kid just one last time. PLEASE!!!!

The Biggest News Yet

Something with meaning has been slowly compiled and drafted through a lot in the past months since its birth. All this work has finally come to good use. The Book version of something with meaning is set to be complete on January 1, of the new year, 2013. This is to celebrate one full year of growth and expansion within you and me. I hope that you will enjoy and so far you can see this spectacular book at http://www.wattpad.com/8017704-something-with-meaning   Please enjoy

The Beautiful Butterfly

I will never forget that morning I woke up and was lucky enough to hear you saying good morning and you love me... I only wish that you could hear me too, or that anyone else could know.

I love you

I miss you

I will remember

The Reminder of course

You say you can smile
I hear you laugh
If you are strong enough for that
you are brave enough to
put the  razor in the trash
untie the rope from the tree
and tell yourself its ok.
This is for you
and only you.
I guess thats why
I always mention love,
you stole my heart,
a long time ago...

The Empty Hearts

I just wanted to tell you the bookstore cat says hi. The bookstore owner said youre more than welcome back any time you want. The park bench where we sat first has little kids picknicking autumn treats. And the red one we sat the second time had ducks waving, begging for bread crumbs. I know there isnt a memory here but the tree where we sat the second day asked me to climb it and hang upside down. When i did it told me all the reasons we know you love me. And love those days. The ice cream parlor though, is frozen. Youre still in the isle seat of the second large glistening table from the back. Ash is across and im beside you laughing as i turned strawberry (the classic signature strawberry smile just for you.) My heart doesnt ache when i see you there. Thanks.

The Voices Remained

I know I haven't lost you. I know we are bound to meet again. I know there has to be at least one more kiss.  But I went to the old bookstore on oak yesterday, I sat where we sat that Monday afternoon hiding from the crisp windy day outside. The cat came up to me and sat in my lap, he said he was sorry for clawing and biting your hand. I told him I knew you'd accept his appology, and he was happy about that until I started crying. He looked up at me with his beautiful, mesmerizing, story book eyes and asked me to follow him. We walked out the store's front door and to the parking spot that held your white mustang, we heard you whisper, "she's here!" He jumped into my arms and smiled, "that's when he realized he was in love." I stood there in awe before he led me into the shop again and to the movie rack where you said the first word, it lingered there, "Madison?" And then back to the chairs with red and gold paisley on them, he sat where you did and told me everything would be okay... until he noticed the tears had yet to fade. So, he made me sit in silence petting him like we did the day all three of us met... I heard all the things we said that day. At some point or another, I saw myself drying the crystal drops and Poe said, "look if you stand up you will feel him hug you again and feel the kiss as you said I love you to him. I know for a fact he loves you. I know he's going to take care of you, stop crying"

At that point I ran out of the bookstore, that ebony cat following me. He says that the three of us were new to each other that Monday and that someday we will all be there again but something else thats important will happen there. He thinks he knows what will happen. He knows that you and I have a massive potential of being soulmates... I guess my question now is, do you agree? 

The Evolving Knowledge

Never will a day pass when something about your life or you doesn't change. 

The Thing I'll Never Ask

I wish I could know... how long you were/have...

a) been with them...                                 c) aware that you are a beautiful person
b) loved a child                                       d) happy before now


Never will I ask you to answer. Never will I beg you again. Just keep enjoying what you read. 

The Only Perfection Life Has

If you have ever been enveloped in the arms of someone you love you will understand what I am about to say. If you have not however, then you know that there is much to look forward to. The pain melts away, smiles cloak the surrounding world, and hearts whisper secrets for only the two of you to hear. By far though, the best part is fully seeing and believing how much love the world holds for you just so you can experience such beauty. If you have ever been enveloped in the arms of someone you love you will understand its a moment or a day that you could never pass up. If you have not however, then I hope you now see just how much is waiting for you.

The Leaves Have To Fall

"Hey, you've reached me but I can't get to the phone right now," the speaker echoed as you sat behind the wheel.
"Hello, Princess, it's me, I just wanted you to know that I'm coming home. I'll be there late, but I'm on my way. I'll see you soon. Okay, well this is, uh, me, and I miss you baby." you smiled falsely.
Well, I've been waiting for you, I know how much pain you were in. They found this in your hand after you died, it was written on an old crumpled napkin:

I only wish I could have told you I won't make it home. I wish I could have told you that I screwed up. I wish I had told you in person. I love you with all I have. But I have a secret, I've been married since before I met you... We haven't been happy in a long time though. We don't share a bed. We haven't had sex since the day it was said and done. We don't even talk. It won't mean much to you, but I still love you, that hasn't changed and it never will. I'm sorry I kept it from you. I know this hurts you, I know I'm probably killing you right now as you're reading this, I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you in person, I couldn't simply break up with you either, because I knew you'd be pissed and I couldn't live with myself knowing I caused that. And princess, I'm so sorry. I know you'll never forgive me, but I guess that's kinda why I did this part. It was so you'd be happy. Princess, I messed up  I fucked up. I'm sorry. I love you... 

My baby butterfly, forever. 

With love,
Steven... 


But right now, I just want to let you know, I saw an indent on your finger... where a ring had to have been once before. I simply chose to ignore it. We all have a past we'd rather not tell. And I saw a story in your eyes, I just didn't know how to read it. I'm sorry I believed you. I'm sorry I let you love me. I'm so sorry though, more sorry than I've ever been before, I'm sorry I was able to keep your attention...


P.s.I would never really kill YOU off. 

The Careful Instructions

This is a touchstone. It is exactly as the name says. Something to hold on to when youre sad, when youre remember them, when you love, and when you hate. Its something they loved more than life itself. Sometimes it is the same touch stone they had for another and sometimes it isnt. Some of them have stories, but this one doesnt. a very rare few give power not yours. In fact this one does you no good for anything except holding on to..

The Holiday Suggests It

I guess I should mention just how lucky I am to have met you. At least you showed me I am a stronger person than I once thought. Im so sorry I believed you for so long though, because now Im only thankful that youre gone.

The Breeze smiled devishly

Don't trust them. Any of them. You don't need it. Any of it.

The Old Bookstore and Black Cat

I guess Ill always remember the day you wasted a full hour or longer talking to a complete stranger in the musty book shop. i guess ill always remember seeing you so happy, at least I hope it was happiness I saw. I guess Ill always remember the faded red and gold floral dining room chairs with ebony cat hair cloaking them. I dont think Ill ever be happier, so should you find this the way i found the tiny plastic purple beads, thank you.

The Short Note for you

Lately, I just don't think words are on my side; nor do I think I have anything to say. All the emotions I had to express have been and I simply see nothing else worth etching into anyone else's brain. Honestly, I don't think I'm myself anymore so please bare with me for a while. 

The Little Mermaid Can't Swim

Sometimes you have to keep trying. Sometimes it's impossible to give up. Sometimes there are things you love but just can't do, you love those things so keep trying anyway. 

The Lazy Syndrom

I guess Im not writing lately because Im busy. I guess its because I have nothing to write about. I guess its because you're bored of me. My excuses are lame - sorry. Lately Im just... Lazy  

The Magnificence

You are wonderful. Always.

The Things Running Through My Bad Mind

I really do love you. I really do. It's just that my tears are overpowering my will. It's just that my smile is pathetic. It's just that I don't know who I am or what to do. I'm so sorry love, but I just don't have the patience to put up with myself lately. It's like I'm fighting my heart for my own soul. It's like I'm paying myself for a moment of my own time. It's like fear of myself hurting me is making me hurt worse than if I just did the things I think I should. Maybe I'm losing my voice. Maybe I'm just losing my ability to write. Maybe I'm just losing my head. Should you see me walking down the street could you please tell me where it is I've gone? 

The made up bricks

Don't trust the girls that wear pounds of make up.  Each day the wall is thicker and stronger not to mention each day they are someone new. I guess what I mean is don't trust me...

The Surprise In the Mail

I asked for your heart, when I woke up I was delighted to see what I really got was you.

The Snowflakes Will be Ebony

One day when everyone has learned there is nobody else left to trust, ash will rain from the heavens and soot will suffocate us each night. There will never be a "white Christmas" again, just an ebony blanket out to kill us all.

The Lanterns are beautiful dragons

Fiery breath is not to cause pain. Thats because it's unconditional love.

P.S. Thank you for your unconditional love these past few weeks.

The Vikings

Just because they look tough and act like they could and would rip your head off, doesn't mean they don't have a heart. In fact, if only they were understood then they would have so much more of a heart. I know they do. One kissed me today and said Everything would be alright because I am amazing. 

The True Meaning of Something With Meaning

This is something with meaning and it has meaning, I know every single word means something to you. And this is something because to me it is words floating on a blank screen.Somehow to them it is poetry and to you it is a diary. Call it what you will no matter what it is something. Tell me they see no meaning and it's their fault because this is something with meaning to you and to me and that's all that matters. When I began writing this it was only for the world, now it is all for us and the world that reads it may understand what their brittle minds can but I know that you are the only one with the power to understand the full intensity of each word, space, and syllable  And they thought they could ruin me so they beat me down, but I didn't fall. Just like you thought you were alone - but you weren't and you never will be. Sufficient enough to say this is something with meaning and I hope you find this soon. 

The Long Time No See

I missed you more than you would believe. It was nice to see you again. I hope we will meet up soon, there's a lot we could catch up on, and it would be nice to unfreeze this heart of mine. 

The Television

People act poorly. You watch some commit crimes. There's yelling. Sometimes tears. Girls giggle in a gaggle about everything good and bad, especially who's had more sex at 12 years old. Boys stare at them all they can and aim for one thing. Nothing at all is blocked. No one's life is actually like that. Oh wait, everyone's is.